Fridae

Hey guys..My good friend Amber who is HIV+ is setting her journey to teach English to Kindergarten Children in China and is scared because yes a Physical is part of the exam to get a work Visa in China but The person offering the job also stated that you must take an HIV test as well to get the work visa in China is that True? She is really scared and terrified.....Are you denied employment if you are positive? Can anyone confirm this for me I would like to bring some calm to my best friend. She means the world to me. I appreciate all the help in answering this.

I wonder how many of the respondents have been in a long term relationship. I have been in two. The first for 7 years, the present for over 19, so I do know something about them, at least as they work for me. First, there is the matter of 'forever', 'til death do us part', and all that nonsense. If a relationship turns bad why would you want to prolong it? I have never 'vowed' anything to my partner. I have known several people who did, however, and it is clear from the results that vows have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Second, relationships change with time. Often people grow apart, even amicably. I believe it is true about children holding straight couples together and I believe it is right. But how many times have you seen straight relationships fall apart when the children are gone, or elderly couples who despise each other? Third, a relationship is work. It is not always fun work. There are a hundred things that can tear it apart other than infidelity. And with respect to fidelity, if one partner is going to throw away a perfectly good relationship because the other had a roll in the hay (especially if he was discreet about it), then the relationship is doomed. All men are sluts or wannabe sluts. My advise: go into relationships, live with the person you want, don't hold your partner to a high expectation, be forgiving, and when it goes bad, really bad, move on to the next one. It is better, in my mind, to have a series of good relationships than one lifelong fight. One last thing; you are only young and sexy for a relatively short time. Don't waste your youth waiting for Mr. Right. In fact, there is no Mr. Right, but there might be a Mr. Pretty Good. You will find him not when you are looking, but when you are not. Good luck everyone, and try to have some fun.

For those who are together for long, I congratulate you all coz only you two knows inside your hearts what it takes to keep you two together. There's always hope of a lasting, endearing, meaningful relationship. But are we talking about monogamous or open relationship? To some, being together can be open as well, whatever works for them for the physical thrill outside the relationship can bring. Is the relationship just about the duration of time? What's the quality of relationship? Is it 30 years of draggy-going-nowhere-I-wish-someone-better-instead-of-him/her relationship? or a shorter 5 years of solid relationship and yet still maintains that solid friendship? Couple should constantly look at themselves individually and as a couple to bring about a better life together. There's no right formula to a lasting meaningful relationship. Love, Trust, hope, endearing, faithfulness, etc etc...the list goes on, they are there for those who practices it and stand the test of time. We can say all we want, but doing it is what it takes. There are so many factors affecting a relationship, but its doing what's neccessary to overcome those factors is what building a life together is all about. I am single, I have been through relationships in the past. I don't count the days in the relationship, I make my days count as an individual and as a couple in the relationship. At the end of the day, it is not just being together, but HAPPILY together and better still, till death-do-us-part. :)

as if straight relationships last???

Gay relationships do last! We know from our own experience. But relationships are like a garden: they need constant nurturing to make them grow. Otto states "While it is true that many gay relationships do not work out, it is also true that gay relationships often lacked the community, familial and societal support that straight relationships take for granted." We would suggest (also from one of our previous experiences in the str8 world) that the "support" he mentions could be replaced by "pressure": "community, familial and societal pressure to keep the (str8) relationship alive; Just look at the example of Charles and Diana for instance. Of course, this "pressure" may work in the opposite way with a gay relationship: family, community and societal pressure to become "normal" and get a girlfriend, get married, have kids and lead a "happy life". He also infers that children bind couples together but so do financial commitments and joint assets. Most str8 couples do not have the advantages of pre-nuptial contracts so partners stand to lose a heck of a lot of money if they split. Yet more "pressure" to stay together. A final note. Relationships don't "just work". We used the garden metaphor above and, in continuation, you wouldn't invest years of time and money growing a garden without a little knowledge. Read about relationships, research them and ask others for help. This is a good starter: http://www.everydayhealth.com/family-health/understanding/ingredients-of-a-good-marriage.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthEmotionalHealth_20100224

They usually don't last. Overwhelming obstacles presented by reality and society can really wear out the affection betwee most couples. Gradually, the love frazzles out and the couple go separate ways. We've all seen that thousands of times happening to gay people around us. Who doesn't wish to have the ways and determination to sustain a gay love? The reality is that, most of us don't have them.

Relationship=Learning=Enjoying=Life=Happy=Live=Cherish=Thankful=Determine=Experience It is a cycle that all Life must experience so that we all won't regret....

I don't quite agree on the vow part. In my opinion it's just fluff. Any couple can wax lyrical vows about staying together. Look at Britney Spears! I'm pretty sure her first marriage came with a set of vows! Ultimately what does it mean to last? Does it mean that it is an occasion of celebration when a gay couple who's been together for more than 10-20-30 years, even though they are actually in an open relationship? Does that mean that the couple who got divorced are less deserving? Nothing lasts. Marriages, vows and legal contract not withstanding, can crack and result in divorce. Thousands of couples with kids find themselves separating and later divorcing. Clearly children is not the answer to a "lasting" relationship. A friend once told me... if a couple is staying together only because of the children, then what kind of relationship or love they are having? Obviously none for each other. In such cases, won't it be better to just leave for a better pasture instead of living in misery every day for the rest of your lives? I also don't agree with the "the world needs a steady supply of children." Uh newsflash... what the planet does not need is more human beings! We are already overcrowding many parts of the world, furiously destroying every aspect of the planet in our incessant appetite for power and the never satiable need for more. I may be clouded in this but it almost seems to me that the writer is telling me that while he can be happy, he can never be truly whole without a man to validate his existence. That to me is the saddest piece of crock ever. I resent the notion that everyone human being must get married or have a boyfriend/girlfriend so that he would be complete and that without it they will never ever be really happy. Why can't we be really happy being single? Is getting a relationship a lifelong ambition for gays?

"to arrive there is your ultimate goal. But do not hurry the voyage at all. It is better to let it last for long years; and even to anchor at the isle when you are old, rich with all that you have gained on the way..."

wow..this is something i think about actually despite being so young :/

It is what we want isn't it? Hope its true for me as well.

I don't care about those cynics broken by the superficiality. HELL YES TO FOREVER GAY LOVE!!! =)

My partner and I are still going strong after 8 years, long distance (me peninsula, him borneo). We met in our early 20s, both of us were first timers never had boyfriends before, but we clicked, we vowed the relationship open and we're still together after all these years. And we don't like children, so procreation is irrelevant to us. We're very thankful we last this long, and sometimes we wonder if we were meant to be together, and it seems like it. Another two years and we're a decade. :)

To all the people that asked "why fuss over a word" (gay marriage vs. civil union" and could not seem to be able to comprehend the difference: as long as gay people continue to be treated as 2nd class like in the article below, the issue should not be retired. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100319/ap_on_re_eu/eu_netherlands_us_military_gays

Thank you for the article!! It makes me to believe in the true relationship even more! Higher motivation to not simply go to relationship :)

I don't think it is the right thing to say that gay relationship won't last much than straight, because they are both men or both women. It may be an article with 'polite' words and written by a gay man, but it's still homophobia, and it is wrong for John Cloud to say it. However, I do agree that gay relationships, no matter how much the family and friends approve, lacks the support the society usually has for straight couples. Society support for the longevity and romance for couples seems to lack in a gay relationship, because the large mass thinks that they should 'leave the gays alone', even though they approve of the relationship. But I won't put the blame too much on external factors. The mindset of the couples involved are part of the blame too. Do gay couples think that their relationship is equal to that of a straight? I don't think so. They may accept their homosexuality, but I think many still unconsciously think that gay relationship are not equal as heterosexuals. I've seen too many gay couples trying out new recipes for a relationships, and still failed miserably. Many would argue how because they are gay, different than the norm, then the nature should be different as well. I really hope that in the future, there wouldn't be any word with label 'gay' in it, such as 'gay relationship', 'gay marriage', or even 'gay sex', or whatever. Being with the same sex is equal as being with the opposite sex. Separation is not equal.

I think Otto's points are very good. However, I might speculate that the relationship which Cloud was in and ended must have made a very big impact on him. In that sense, I will not completely blame him for holding that point of view. Personally, I might be slow to really put him down because of these reasons. Notwithstanding that, he should not have represented his perspective as if they were a truism. As Otto rightly high-lighted, it does not explain the "anomalies" that exist i.e. straight childless couples who remain married, gay couples who remain together. Like him, I get irritated when people over-generalise. Personally, I believe when it comes to relationships, it all boils down to choice. Whether a person chooses to remain single or requires companionship is, I suspect, a matter of personality and life experiences. Some people may not be as comfortable committing whereas others take to it better. I think the important thing though is to at least experience being in a relationship to decide whether that is something for you. I subscribe to being open to experience and am generally suspicious of artificial constructs which we are bombarded with by the media on a daily basis e.g. artificial constructions of what love might mean.

I wish I CAN find the right one and be a cute couple as Carls. But will it last? Let's just hope for it. Or else everything will just be sad. I know it will just come fine:).

No matter straight or gay,we should build something for love.Love is not only for sex and fun. The question is "will you wiling to build your own home with your partner?''straight can do,gay also can. Gay couple also can buy property together. To me Love = trust. I will buy a house for my partner to make sure he has no worry about me. It's worth. Only he will acknowledge my successful and my achievement. Maybe somebody said I would flirt with other guys, of course I will.But before that I've make some agreement with him. Such as sex wisely and safely.Love is honest and sharing. This society has too much temptation,but we can just open-mind and be honest.

A relationship will last as long as both parties vowed to share life through thick and thin, the vows may not be on papers, but in their hearts.