Fridae

Hi Alvin, I am a pre-op transsexual who has a very doting boyfriend. He is able to fulfill my emotional needs but he is very thin and has a short penis.

I bought him some weight gaining powder from GNC and asked him to go to gym more often to train himself up. However, how do I make his penis bigger? Is there a solution to that (such as penis enlargement)? Are there any good pills in the market?

Due to my sexual dissatisfaction, I have begun to think of other men. What should I do?

Winter

Dearest Winter,

I have to be honest here: I have no idea how you can make your boyfriend's penis bigger. I have never had that problem. In fact, I suffer from the opposite predicament - I often kick my own penis as I walk.

But back to your penile preoccupation, there are a number of penile enlargement "solutions" (I'm using the term loosely here) on the market - and these include vacuum pumps, herbal tablets and using a magnifying glass. Unfortunately, none of these "solutions" have been scientifically proven to have any permanent or lasting effect.

There are also various types of penile enlargement surgery available. There is girth enhancement surgery which involves taking skin and fat from another part of the body and placing them under the skin of the penis or using liposuction to extract fat from the thigh and abdomen and then injecting it into the penis.

Ligament transaction surgery, on the other hand, capitalises on the fact that there is a small part of the penis hidden within the body. This hidden portion is attached to the pubic bone by ligaments. During surgery, these ligaments would be cut - thus allowing the skin to be pushed back and the submerged centimeters to appear outside the body.

Finally, there is Dr. Douglas Whitehead's "allographic dermal matrix graft" which uses tissue harvested from dead bodies, sterilised and cut into little oblong strips which the good doctor then arrange in layers and stitch onto an implant to make the penis as thick as the patient desires. For more information, you can log on to www.drwhitehead.com.

(Caution: As with all forms of surgery, there are always inherent risks as well as possible side effects.)

Having shared with you the various options available to your boyfriend, I feel that it is my duty to also ask you to consider the possibility that it may not be his penis that is too small but rather you are too big. If that is the case, then no matter how well endowed your boyfriend is, it will be like whisking a straw in a bucket - and I have to be honest here - no one's got a cock as big as a bucket - except maybe for a bull elephant.

Your Certified Cock Curator,
Alvin Tan

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Dear Alvin,

My ex-girlfriend has been in my thoughts lately - too much in fact. I even dreamed about her! We broke off three years ago and currently, both she and I are attached to our respective new partners. We're still friends and we hang out in a group with other people once in a while.

Unfortunately, I still have feelings for her and I'm not sure what I should do. Should I tell her about it? Should I curb my feelings and hope they'll go away? Should I break off with my current girlfriend and wait for the day my ex becomes single again (if ever)? Please advise and hopefully knock some sense into my confused head.

Very Much Confused

Dear VMC,

The only way I can possibly knock some sense into your head is if I hang you by your ankles and use your head as a human piñata (whack whack!).

Your situation clearly illustrates one of the fundamental differences between gay men and women. When gay men break up, they experience intense but brief emotional angst and then they get on with their lives fairly quickly.

This is because gay men operate differently from lesbians and have this ability to let go of lovers they no longer want to be with. All it takes is a drool-worthy new guy at work or some delectable muscles at the gym and we'll soon be saying "Ex? Which ex?"

Most lesbians, on the other hand, tend to bond for life. In other words, lesbian relationships may be of limited duration - but lesbians tend to form attachments with their ex-lovers which last forever and ever.

Having said that, you should be ashamed of yourself for starting a relationship with another girl while still having unresolved feelings for your ex-girlfriend and worse, having her on your mind all the time.

You are not being fair to your current girlfriend and if you wish to break off the relationship, it should be because your feelings for her have changed or are non-existent - since she appears to be nothing more than an emotional crutch for you to get over your breakup.

You should also not tell your ex-girlfriend that you are still pining for her because you should respect her relationship with her current girlfriend. More importantly, you should get rid of the notion of staying single "and wait(ing) for the day (your) ex becomes single again."

Trust me on this - there's nothing more senseless than putting your life on pause mode and waiting for someone who has already moved on.

Your Reigning Piñata Princess,
Alvin Tan

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Dear Alvin,

I have been seeing a guy much younger than me for past 6-8 months. I'm 25 and he's 18. We met through a chat-room for a "one night stand" but I fell in love with him. Though we did not become a couple, I have been sort of a sugar daddy to him.

He is always in need of money and I would give him financial aid when he gives me sex. All this time, I've hinted that I wanted something more. He seemed to get the message and informed me that he can be my boyfriend...

Thinking that I had achieved what I had wanted, I began to trust him. When he needed a huge sum of money, I handed him the cash. I did not even ask for anything in return as I love him and sincerely wanted to help him. I soon realised that I had been cheated. I lost all contact with this guy for at least two months.

I hired a private investigator and I finally traced his whereabouts. Eventually, I confronted him and made him confessed to his "crimes." He admitted that he would not be able to pay me back and even asked for my help again as he was in debt. This time I refused to entertain his request.

Only problem is, I still want him. So, later I ended giving him money again in return for sex. What am I doing? I still love him, but somehow I sensed that he does not love me in the same way. Somehow, I think the reason he sleeps with me is because he wants money, period.

Despite my conscience telling me to leave this guy, I continued having ties to him as he still owes me money and my lust makes me desire to be with him. Whenever he is with me, I would give him whatever he wants, gourmet food, cash in return for sex, luxury hotel stays and so on.

Do you think it's worth it for me to continue with this guy? I think I already know the answer but I can't forget him. I want him too much. Please advise me. Thank you so much if you can enlighten me regarding my dilemma.

Jesse

Dear Jesse,

You have my sympathies. It is tragic when someone pines for the moment when his "boyfriend" will utter the three magic words he longs to hear - but in your case, when the three words come a-tumbling out of your "boyfriend's" mouth, they are: "Cash or Visa?"

It is even more tragic when someone fails to see and accept a sexual transaction for what it is and worse, continues to harbour delusions of establishing and developing a meaningful relationship with a money-grabbing man whore.

Honestly, are you so insecure that you must "purchase" love or engage in "barter-trading" when it comes to affairs of the heart (and flesh)? Are you a sex-fixated sucker for punishment who just won't learn from experience? Are there no other fishes in the homo-ocean that you must develop a Fatal Attraction-like fixation with your gay gigolo?

The way I see it, you have two choices really: (a) learn from your mistakes, wise up for goodness' sake and stop being led around by your cock; and (b) make sure that you have a vault of gold coins bigger than Uncle Scrooge's if you wish to continue your masquerade of a "relationship" with your he-hooker.

Singapore's Heinz Hummer,
Alvin Tan

Do you seek deliverance from your problems with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ one-night stand? Do you spend sleepless nights wrestling with your sexuality or sex partner? Then email your queries to Ask Alvin at editor@fridae.com and have your burdens lifted by Alvin. We regret that we're unable to respond to letters personally.