The Rice Queen Diaries
Daniel Gawthrop
Arsenal Pulp Press
Assumptions can get us into a lot of problems. They certainly play a part in interracial and intercultural relationships. What do we assume about our partners because of our race and culture or because of their race and culture? What do others assume about a "Wedding Banquet" (i.e. a gay Asian/White) couple? My problem with The Rice Queen Diaries, a recent memoir by journalist and writer, Daniel Gawthrop, is also one of assumptions.
I was disappointed for a number of reasons. But let me preface this discussion: please view this piece as a political commentary rather than a book review. I'm not a fan of negative book reviews: all books have their fans; we all read with our own cultural and historical lenses. However, the publication of Gawthrop's book puts it in the public realm. It deserves response, not as a way of discussing the book's value in itself, but as a way for all of us whose lives involve these issues to discuss, debate and share our views.
Gawthrop knows what he is writing of is controversial, and as a white man attracted only to Asian men, he's often seen as problematic. So there's potential for great writing material here: I was looking forward to reading it.
The arc of the book is relatively simple. The author explains why he's attracted to Asian men and describes his lovers and sexual encounters. He has sex with Asian men in various places in the world. He travels to Bangkok and Vietnam and has more sex, and then returns to Bangkok to live and has more sex with many, many Asian men.
His explanations of his attractions to Asian men are attributed to two incidents: an unsettling and powerful incident of spying on a Chinese boy being sexually hazed by older students at boarding school, and a poster of Bruce Lee. Before that, his attraction to only white men is blamed on media images (an oft-heard excuse but one I believe is too simple). He later is turned on by cultural difference, pursuing Asian-born Asians more than North-American ones: there is excitement in the contrast between how he expects Asians to be, either in terms of religion, manner and cultural stereotype, and who they are. He refers freely to the availability of Asian men to white men who are attracted to them. The result is that he has lots of sex with lots of Asian men.
But is that all there is? My problem here is that there's more description than analysis. Was there an impact on his psyche of calling himself a "rice queen"? How did friends and family view this identity? How did attraction turn into a mission? Why would he limit his sexual partners to one race? How does this particular cultural identity fit in with the dynamics of a broader gay community? The implications of being attracted to only Asian men don't really go beyond how happy he is with all the sex he's had. Gawthrop quotes Richard Fung in his introduction who asks how "desire is articulated in terms of race" and "[t]o what extent is sexual attraction exclusive and/or changeable". But he answers the first question only in terms of who he wants to fuck; he answers the second not at all.
Meanwhile I was reminded that racism is not always obvious: it can be acted out by the simple act of white people speaking all the time and taking up space (virtual or otherwise) which precludes dialogue and discussion by others. I'm not accusing Gawthrop of doing this specifically. But with dozens and dozens of Asian lovers that pass through these pages, do we ever get a hint of how they might feel about him as a Rice Queen, about this particular sexual dynamic? I don't expect Gawthrop to tell someone else's story. But I get little sense of the other side of the equation. How these patterns of desire and attraction affect Asian men beyond offering them up as sexual delights and commodities is absent. The Asian men in Rice Queen Diaries are observed, categorised, and recorded.
The attempt to understand sexual relationships between gay Asians and gay Caucasians really begins for Gawthrop when he arrives in Thailand, which he implies gives him insight into all of "Rice Queendom." This is a mistake: his interactions with Thai gay men are with the group of Thai men in Bangkok and Chiang Mai who actively pursue foreigners. Gay men in Asia have vastly different lives from each other, depending on factors such as culture, language, religion, income, and accessibility to a gay culture. There are also wide differences between Asian men living in the West and those living in the East. But I didn't read of any recognition that he participated in a very particular and specific cultural experience, the Rice Queen in Thailand.
The writing does become interesting here. Many parts of the book show his first person recollections interrupted with sometimes clunky references to academic theory and literary figures, historical information, and background information. But when free of footnotes, Gawthrop writes with ease and verve: the description of travels and life in Thailand and Vietnam, particularly where he's taken to visit the home village of a lover in the countryside, is enjoyable.
However, I think it's easy to write about how confusing it is to be in a different culture. I would have preferred to read a more difficult tale, one about the complexity of desire when tied to race, stereotyping and inequalities. Instead, Gawthrop slips into statements that tend to generalise Asians. He casually describes an Asian club night in Vancouver called "Red Lantern" as a taste of the "old country." Would the old country have gay nights like this? Would the old country gather together gay Asians from many different cultural backgrounds and countries? What the hell is an "old country" anyways? It's an expression that applies to Canada's established immigrants who dream of their grandparent's land, not to the new Asian immigrants whose "old countries" are dynamic, new economies.
Meanwhile, there's exoticisation. His Asian objects of desire have brown skin (last I checked, Asian men ranged from dark to pale), they have rose-petal lips. His first Asian obsession has the "delicate features of a Buddha, or a princeling." What?? He adds to the physical objectification by references to their imagined histories or attributes. A random Asian stranger has eyes that "gaze into his soul." He suspects that the growth of one of his Vietnamese lovers was stunted by Agent Orange. Huh? Did I really read that? Casual observations like this remind me of what I find most annoying about the "Rice Queen": the arrogance of making assumptions about someone else, even if it is meant to be positive; when a white opinion is more important than an Asian one.
When I lust after one of the many beautiful men in Sydney, do I imagine their convict ancestors? The word that comes to my mind is "creepy." I don't have anything against physical beauty. I love men myself and am rather a sucker for a muscular build. But an early lover tells him, "You're too busy slobbering" and he seems like he's leering too much to develop insight into his attractions. I do have friends who are Rice Queens, but I can't stand the ones who slobber too much.
Meanwhile, Gawthrop describes, early in the book, his pleasure in finding many of his Asian lovers in the same style of undergear. To him, their white thong underwear represented "both infantile innocence and passive enslavement." Later, he explains "how western men lose their heads in Thailand" and says for heteros, "it's nostalgia for a pre-feminist domestic world; for the homos, it's the houseboy/sex slave fantasy." So, it was obvious what path the writer was heading down, but what are the implications? Fantasies and desire can certainly be messy and taboo; it's great to have them out in the open, even ones that appear un-politically-correct. But if your fantasies about Asian partners include them as passive child sex slaves, how do you manage to treat them with some sort of respect in a daily relationship?
I don't want to sound anti-sex or anti-desire here. I love sex. I wrote a whole book about gay sex. Sex, and not only interracial sex, is complicated, celebratory, healing and hurtful; I welcome any works that delve into this slippery and messy world to explore it. But the sex here is just a parade of lovers. It becomes the reason for more sex. The reason to move to Asia. And the reason to stay in Asia. The Thai boys are glittering angels. He asks how could I leave this place? after a stranger brushes against him in a crowd. A smorgasbord of "types" pass through the door of his first Bangkok apartment. Heaven for him is sex and more sex in a place where sex is easily found.
Much more compelling is when Gawthrop examines the consequences of so much easy sex. He relates various entanglements with Thai men and starts to hear what they are saying. A lover tells him "Did we ever stop to think how many times he had done this, and with how many foreigners? Too many times to count." There's a glimmer of both sadness and empathy in this incident but it doesn't halt an endless supply of weekend tour guides, pay-outs to said guides, and a revolving door of lovers, most of whom know each other. At one point, Gawthrop's encounters teach him he's not the centre of the universe, that as his Asian lovers come into his life, he also comes into their lives. It felt like an interesting turning point in the book, the development of compassion.
''To really understand this stuff, you've got to go in there and be with those people, and talk to those people, and fuck those people.'' Said author Dan Gawthrop in Vancouver's Xtra West in an interview about his book. Click here for more into about The Rice Queen Diaries on www.arsenalpulp.com.''
I've spent time in Bangkok myself, where I've found Thai men handsome and charming and where I've gotten more sexual attention than in other cities, both from white and Asian men. I've also observed the Thai-boys-swarming-white-men phenomenon. So, I've asked out loud to friends: "If I could go to a city where I was attracted to the men, and the men freely offered themselves up sexually to me, would I go crazy." My answer to them, "Probably." Because it sounds more libertarian and less boring. But the truth is, no. Not if I'm the same person as I am now, who tries to understand myself, my attractions, what sex means to me and who I have it with. No. I would be the kid in the candy store that chooses one or two of his favourites, would eat one and possibly save the other for later. I would not eat until I vomited.
The focus of the book has clearly been sex. But what about love? Across culture and race? I admit that I'm more interested in the mysteries of the heart rather than the motivations of the dick. But I was unsatisfied here too. How did an exploration of cross-cultural desire get reduced to sex while excluding romance and love? The author's first major relationship is a short one, and described as such. When Gawthrop finally admits to love, it is not analysed. "I truly loved Tong," he notes, referring to his problematic live-in Thai lover (who tried to bite off Gawthrop's finger, Ow!). But though he describes how he misses Tong in terms of physicality and personality, how he came to love this one out of the dozens of other candidates is not explored. When Gawthrop falls in love "for the first time" "hit by Cupid's arrow" near the book's end, the emotions involved in this momentous event are not explored.
Closing the book, Gawthrop offers that his experiences in Thailand allow him to go beyond "arch, liberal platitudes about the evils of racism" which he would have written if only basing his experiences on his life in the West (though I don't think it's necessary to travel to another country to examine oneself). Gawthrop's conclusion is this: Treating "an entire race of people as your own personal playpen, you run the risk of becoming the same stereotype you condemn." But the only condemnation he has of this stereotype is that they are guilt-ridden and furtive, and obsessed, possibly to the risk of personal ruin (he describes a few examples of losing one's looks as an example of this ruination). He condemns his own greed, and sense of entitlement.
I would disagree heartily. Becoming a stereotype is not the worst of treating a race of people as your playpen. It is much more than that, it's morally questionable. It robs people of their personalities and dignity. It treats people, on the basis of their race, as interchangeable. It can lead to stereotypes and exoticisation which if not actively offensive are tiresome and boring. It uses people for sex with little regard for their emotions. In terms of this racial dynamic, it exploits white privilege and power whether economic or social to get one's rocks off, as a little social experiment. Saying this does not imply that the Asian partners are victims in all of this - we all make our choices, some of the men in the book seemed to be using Gawthrop as much as he was using them. But as an overall assessment, this book is more an indictment than a celebration of cross-cultural desire.
Sydney-based, Canadian born Andy Quan is the author of Calendar Boy, Six Positions and Slant. He's third generation Chinese-Canadian and fifth generation Chinese-American, which sort of averages out to fourth generation Chinese-North-American but it doesn't really work that way. He's been involved with Sexual Racism Sux discussions, has been profiled on Fridae for his latest book, and wrote us an opinion piece too! Visit him at www.andyquan.com
Editor's note: In the interest of full disclosure for fridae.com visitors, Daniel Gawthrop dated Andy's brother many years ago.
Fridae readers: Are you a proud rice queen? Are you a rice queen and other rice queens drive you crazy? Are you Asian and have experiences with rice queens that you want to share? Join us on the discussion boards here.
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Reader's Comments
I was rather 'outgoing' for my age (or maybe all 17-18 year olds are as horny as I was - I forget now)...and in the course of maybe half a year, I met a large number of people who showed me the rather unsavoury side of what I shall call "reverse racism".
I shall not dissect each example, nor shall I make any comments about the merits of each person. What I will say is that a disproportionate number of them had exoticised my whole Asianess to the point of distaste. Enter any of their homes and you will discover that they use chopsticks and ceramic ricebowls to eat, sit on tatami mats, and have chinese paintings hanging over incense altars.
Given a chance, they will wax lyrical about the Tao De Ching, the failings of Western society, and how they dislike their fellow white man.
In quicktime, I felt like I was more of an ideal, an object, a concept, more than I was a real person. These men wanted to have Asian boyfriends, to the exclusion of all other races. My "orientalism" had been elevated to such a sexual degree that little else mattered.
And you know what? That just made me feel lousy. I did not want to be liked for what I was, pre-liked, so to speak, because I was not white. I wanted to be known for who I was, as a person, regardless of the race I was. Perhaps it was the idealism of youth, but I soon learnt to avoid anyone who started to spout romanticisms about Asia or Asians. Better to be with someone completely naive to Chinese/Asian culture, than to feed into someone's idealised and romantic notions of such culture is.
Reading the review of Gawthorp's book reminds me of all these shallow, 2 dimensional men who were probably in search of themselves, and got lost in another culture, mistaking it for something better than their own. It reminds me of all the men who are unable to look past the surface and see others only for their looks, the color of their skin, the idea that they are "Asian".
It makes me angry to think about how people can objectify others, and consciously or subconsciously subjugate, victimise, patronise or demean others.
But at the end of it, I'm glad for my experiences, for it has taught me not to treat other people in the same way. Each person is unique and special in his own way.
In the meantime, I will keep people like Gawthorp at more than an arms length. Till now, I am incurably allergic to RICE QUEENS, ie non-Asian men who date only Asian men to the exclusion of others. And since this book is literally the diary of a rice queen, I'm sure to give it a miss.
Andy - you actually read the whole thing? My sympathies!
Andy, any recommendations of books that deal with this subject matter in a more balanced manner? I'd like to read something other than the unfortunate verbal mud-slinging you'd get in forums.
Initially, the attraction is primarily physical. I find a thrilling beauty with Asian men, which I could easily summarize with a variety of superficial descriptions. But there is more to my liking Asian men, making it something I consider to be a bit beyond mere fetish.
I too have read much Asian history, but I don't adopt it all without thought, as though I was sampling many items from a buffet. I've read Confucious and am very critical of how his teachings have been implemented in much of Asian society. I do not adhere to all forms of Buddhism, nor do I practice a conglomerate of rituals related to Buddhism. And my involvement in Buddhism is not related to me being a rice queen.
I am not strictly a rice queen, but primarily one. I enjoy other men of other races. But while I prefer Asian men, I would hesitate to say my desire is pure objectification. Others need to remember that by nature, Americans are assimalists: we take portions of other cultures and keep what we find suitable and discard what we find as unsuitable.
I guess what I'd like to say is that those Asian men who feel cheapened by a potatos yen for rice should not dwell in such unhappiness or dismay. Regardless of what types we seek, our initially attraction is always to the type. How can it be otherwise? I cannot know a man's mind or heart by merely looking at him. That takes time and investment. But I can tell by looking if he is someone that is attractive to me and may be worth the effort to investigate. A being Asian is an attractant for me. It is merely one of the tools I use to select a potential partner, just as others prefer blondes, tall guys, chubby guys, hairy guys or smooth guys. It operates the same.
Richard, aka newzdude76
And then he goes on to deliver a negative book review anyway ? Why not just do it, and have done, huh ?
Quite apart from which, a person straining *too* hard to find good points in books like one of Stalin's communist-era biogprahies or Mein Kampf would be stretching his friendship with reality a bit too far for my tastes !
In this book, Gawthorp professes to give us a survey of the 'politics of pleasure'.
He does no such thing. He gives us an indulgent wander through his many and varied affairs and sexual encounters, which occur so frequently that you wonder how he manages to learn so little at each turn.
In fact, his clanging repetitions and errors just want to make you slap him.
As the kind of white man who cringes on those rare occasions he's entered a Long Yang or similar GAM-meet-GWM environment, this book just wasn't for me.
I'm sure he likes Asian men, just like I do.
I just don't need 300 pages to be told that, and little else.
I don't know . . . I read it all the way to the end, and I didn't pay for it - someone gave it to me - but I figure I would have felt far more annoyed had I slapped down my own hard-earned dollars for it.
Ben Scaro
While born and bred the first 20 yrs in a small city state in the SE Asia, and educated in the western world...no matter how much or how little one managed to achieve...be it a fireman, cook, doctors:). or lawyers, ...there is always an association that since my skin is yellow or pale, or that my eyes are slanted in one way or the other...I am often (not always) subconsciously looked upon as one who is born to be submissive, good at cooking, cleaning, a bottom Western-*** hungry type guy...haha...
Not all asians are ...
What happened to Love...getting to know someone for who he is...??? aka Equality??
What "playboy" mentioned is so true...
In the meantime...be strong...have fun...be safe
Ick
This sort of thing does make me cringe. Not because I have any judgement to make against Gawthrop; not having read his book. But because it invites the sort of ugly racist slurs like Post#1/Playboy. No, there's no chinese paintings and tatami mats in my house much as I appreciate them (it's UEL through and through). The sexual stereotypes around this issue --- that everyone's after smooth, passive, non-english speaking bottoms for house servants etc. --- usually run just as thin.
I like asian guys and I like various cultures. I try to treat everyone with respect and I've found the reverse is usually the case as well.
Fridae, bring us more thought provoking articles, and skip the "infotainment".
*goes and gets popcorn and pillow ready* ;)
READY, FIGHT! :)
Neither is being White a race. It is a physical description.
Somehow I feel white men who are attracted to asian men is less culpable in terms of racism, than asian men who are attracted to white men. I guess that is from my perspective.
There is still badness, as rarely are white men attracted to asian men young and attractive. Yet they expect to attract attractive asian men.
But asian men who choose unattractive white men (old, physically unfit, plain ugly) commit a greater evil by discriminating against their own kind, a form of subconsicous self-loathing.
agree with asianrage very much. Asia is not a race.
we too can have different cultural experience and identity difference by dating with different asian races (even same race from different countries).
not to discriminate but rice queens and potato queens alike are really over the top. sometimes, when i pass such couple, i choose to be ignorant.
Now....if I were to travel all the way to live in the former-Eastern Europe just to exploit poor (but attractive), and very willing young boys there because I had an incurable attraction to "Bel Ami" twinks, then I think you'd see the parallel to Gawthorp's tale.
People exploit others all the time. None of it is right. In this instance, the exploitation is based on race, and it hits a little close to home for many people who read Fridae.
Many of the non-Asians - latinos, whites, blacks, others on Fridae are friends of mine. Some I have met in real life, many are just Fridae friends with whom I chat with on a regular basis online. None of them, I consider of Gawthorp's ilk. Many of them happen to live in Asia, and now have Asian friends. Nothing wrong with that.
If I had found out about their "helpless RQ inclinations" they would not be friends of mine, just as I would not be friends of anyone who conscientiously supports and abets child prostitution.
My partner is Chinese, and many of the guys I see on the street whom I'm attracted to these days is Asian - but I ought to be more specific, Chinese, Malay, Indian, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean....but you does that make me "sticky rice"? No. I happen to live in Asia now, and there are more attractive Asians than attractive guys of other races. If I were living in New York, I'd imagine the smorgasbord would be quite different.
Most people have preferred types. This 'type' may be based on a body type, race, age, facial characteristics or some other factor. If someone is going to write a book on the search for love or simply having sex with this type, they should ask themselves what they hope to accomplish. They should also keep in mind race is a very sensitive subject to tackle. To practically objectify a race of people and turn the pursuit of this race into a fetish will appall most. A talented writer might be able to use a bit of humour to pull of a successful treatment of the subject but this book does appear to be a satire. All the author seems to do is make most parties on both sides of the racial divide upset and uncomfortable with no positive agenda. What was his point in writing this book? He should have kept his obssessions to himself. Thanks Andy for asking some good questions on the whole point of this exercise.
As a caucasian lezzie who is often attracted to local asian women in USA, and whose heart still "sings" of the Singaporean I left at Changi after a six month debacle involving her visit to USA which went ok per both evals, and my visit to Sing which was a heart stunning disaster by my measure... I must say I approached your article with some fear and concern about what horrible behaviors of mine you might point to in your analysis of Rice Queens. What incipient racism in me might I encounter via your insgihts.
But I read the whole article anyway and I survived and I want to thank you. Whew, I find I may be doing more right than wrong. Like you, romance and love are essentials in my dealings with a partner; I require quality interactions rather than quantity encounters. And to my credit since Singapore, I have slipped aside from two sex or relationship offers from asian partners to whom I just couldn't give my "not ready yet" heart.
So I guess, I am not entirely a "user"-mode Rice Dyke or whatever the term is.
And don't get me wrong about sex. I too LOVE the stuff and always have, even when I was confused enough to start off doing it with a man. And well, it was ok. I was young... What can I say! I found sex with men but I found love with women and the sex element exploded exponentially. Amazing the difference the same sex factor makes ... isn't it? For those of us who really do want it.
Anyway in your article, I noted some issues I need to improve... I tend to talk too much, way too much but truth be told I do that almost all the time... not just with asain friends or lovers. Brevity is not one of my talents. I do tend to run on. This everyone could agree on I suspect. The racism impact of "running on" is not something I had considered vav people of color. I plan to work on that. And that will be difficult I am sure.
I prefer dark eyes... but that was true even with caucasian lovers. Not sure how to gage that one. And yes, I have blue eyes. Nice blue eyes I am told.
I am very fair,strawberry-blonde and freckle and easily sunburn/blister. Since childhood I admired tan skin mainly because I couldn't get it no matter how long I stayed in the sun. My best friend growing up was a blond who tanned golden (in ten minutes it seemed)... some summers I wanted to strangle her I was so envious. Of course she was stunningly beautiful even without her summer tan. That's another story. And I am deeply drawn to the golden tan skin of some aisian women... what do I do with that?
Also I recall my surprise and shock when my Singaporean soon to be lover announced via one of our many phone discussions, that her skin was "too dark" and sometimes she is "mistaken" for Malay rather than ethnic Chinese. First off, her concern about her skin tone was way off the mark vav me (it was very golden tan, very like my blond friend from my youth.) and also I wondered about the implied "ism" of not wanting be seen as Malay in Singapore. I learned more about the Malay status during my visit to Sing.
Oh and I want to mention something that was a rampant problem in the USA amongst people of color communities esp in the 19th and early 20th centuries. "The lighter the skin tone the better"; it is still an acknowledged issue. (Oprah has done a number of shows about her concerns vav this issue within the Afro-Amer community.) I have observed via my freinds over a lifetime that people with color in their skins are acutely aware of subtleties of tone that I completely miss. Admittedly I notice golden tan on any body and always will. I am not sure what this means about me or about them. I am aware of skin color, of coiurse I am. I am not blind. I hope I am not a color racist. I am just not very keyed into the gradations of color (except golden tan) unless those gradations are very extreme.
Is this concern about subtle skin tone prevalent in asian interactions? And is this a form of "ism"? for lack of another way to express it? I really am puzzled about this.
Oh I just read "playboy" 's comments ie #1. How cogent they are and how challenging. I have printed them out and plan to re-read them and think about all that he says. His words pose questions I must consider. I wonder if my interest in asian culture which started at age 7 is a form of rampant racism? I must think about this. I have spent many hours of my life reading and studying books about asian history and culture. I enjoy reading asian american women's novels and histories of their ethnic heritage in the USA. Sometimes the voice from outside the center speaks more clearly about the center is my thought. I think mine is a sincere interest but I must think about how I "live" it.
Anyway Andy ... you are one of the reasons I still visit Fridae. Not really looking to connect with anyone long distance again. Too many hurtles and too little time left, I fear. But I do enjoy your articles and look forward to the next one.
To live and let live....
May all of us be able to find our very own soul mate, regardless of his/her race, age, type etc. etc. etc. Afterall, it is the bond between the two persons as complete individuals that matters at the end of the day!
Running with the argument that Quan isn't vile would be a tough task. His world creates many victims - readers included - but principle among these victims is himself. Can you imagine putting your name to this material? For this documented behaviour to be the legacy of how you chose to live and how you understood love and relationships?
My fear is that this perverted specimen of a man is seen as atypical of 'white' guys who like Asian guys.
Have not read the book by Dan thus lots of readers' opinion could be swayed by Andy's comments in one way or another. Well , everyone of us read things differently , we interprete things differently ( it is also this reason why we (human) have so many Inter religion and intra-religious tensions/ misunderstanding/war ) and worst we react to events and circumstances ( usually ) based on our past experience/our own perception.
I am not sure if the editors note is true . Which says "Editor's note: In the interest of full disclosure for fridae.com visitors, Daniel Gawthrop dated Andy's brother many years ago." further force us to re-evaluate Andy's independence and prejudice in his review. That then makes me ponder as to the reason why he is asked by the editor to give a review when they know before hand that Andy's brother dated the Author Dan . may I ask what is the editor's intention then ?
Writers write for many reasons. Some wrote to make a point , some wrote to express their feelings, some wrote to fight for something and some just to tell their story. It could be a book on sex , it could be a book on love ....it could be a review of book on Rice Queen or it could be a review of book of my brother's ex...
as for rice queen , potato queen, kebab queen etc etc , sounds really funny to me because people cant see beyond the colour , the size and the race ...we are in 21st centure my fren ...let us respect our frens for who they are ..they are human with soul and personality
" When I was a little boy ..I ask my mother .
what will I be ? will I be rice queen ? will I be potato queen ?..
Que Sera Sera ...what ever will be will be ...
the future not our to see ...Que Sera Sera "
You don't have to read Gawthorp to understand where the man may be coming from - you just have to listen to what he has to SAY:
''To really understand this stuff, you've got to go in there and be with those people, and talk to those people, and fuck those people.''
Peter Gregory- Brit in Kuala Lumpur
A review isn't a personal character reference, it's a consideration of ideas, hopefully in a dispassionate manner.
At least we were told about it up front I guess.
But by the editor . . .
Ben Scaro
Was the Editor's note made when the review was first posted - or was it posted subsequently after comments were posted ?
Must say I didn't notice it first time around . . . but not sure.
Ben Scaro
However, I have to say that theres alot of useless commentary here. Youre all fighting generalisations, catagorisation, assumptions and all that other crap that no doubt falls into the broad catagory of racism with more racism.
And in response to agks, I am an asian male who 'goes for white males'. Ive grown up and only know gay sydney, so no doubt I am not speaking for all, but I have noticed that those asian boys and men i have met who have grown up here also have a tendancy to go for (perhaps exclusively) white males more so than those of their own ethnic background. A purely subjective conclusion, I'm believing that the culture in which you are rasied has a definate effect on your attractions. And seeing the number of second generation australians with ethnic backgrounds are growing, perhaps people like myself will no longer be a 'minority'.
I want to know, is the attraction to either race purely a physical attraction, or is it inclusive of generalisations attached to their ethnicity such as culture, religion and such?
Andre
So I won't critique the book too much. I would like to address Andy's comments about wanting to hear more about the love. I would also like a book to address this.
Having read the comments posted here I can't help but notice the many tales of love and relationships between all races and more importantly mixed relationships there are out there.
Why doesn't some one with the know how, ask the Fridae.com community to share their stories, collect them and present them all together.
I am a 26 year old "rice queen" living in Bangkok. I have been attracted to Asian men ever since i came out when i was in Australia. I have loved and lost a few times over.
I don't take advantage of Asian men nor allow myself to be taken advantage of by any man.
I see no reason why there can't be a book that addresses all the issues of mixed relationships from the negative and positive sides whilst delving more than skin deep.
With all sincerity,
Daniel
I'm Chinese-Australian and have had to face up to many of these issues, about perceptions of Asians, White men and perceptions of what others perceive of me. Ultimately I think if you see enough of the world, u'll know beauty is everywhere, and those who choose to dig only one race shuts out the opportunity to explore others. Their loss. x
denis
Being 22 and being born and raised in a Western society I have been often compared and subjected to the typicality that surrounds gay asian males. A stigma that if you're old, white, single (might as well add ugly, but looks are subjective =p) and gay - look far east and you'll have success.
I used to cringe whenever I go to places like Kudos and Long Yang Club in London to see the stereotypes at its fullest. This was brought mainly with the type of guys who would approach me, saying that 'oh I love Asian guys and their culture, I love Jpop music (I'm Chinese, you idiot!) etc'
However the main difference is that because I'm quite an independant person and I'm not looking for a white guy as a ticket out of my restricted life overseas.
The tone of the book sounds like the life of me banging away with as many guys from Thailand and Vietnam just because I'm white. It's not a sexual exploration or a path to love, it promotes how easy it is to get laid by exploiting both your race and the stigma that surrounds it.
I have had sex with alot of white men, sometimes quite old, but not exclusively. It's not about the race that does it for me but usually the need and the attention they give (which can be both flattering and overpowers you), whether out of general interest or lust.
Nowadays I'm finding myself much more attracted to Asians (my boyfriend is Chinese), and with him I don't just feel love, but I feel extremely comfortable like he understands me better than any other guy.
I've met alot of people through LYC and they are really nice people, and I find that its not just about the attraction - if theres something that caters for your taste and attraction then theres nothing wrong it, but if you look beyond the stereotype and look at everyone as human beings then I'm sure boundaries will overcome.
Race is a sensitive issue. We as humans do not want to be the bottom of the pile when it comes to 'exploit or be exploited'. Gawthrop seems to represent a part of human desire to exploit, and rather trying to giving reassurance about the problems this may create (boy wouldn't you hate if all gay Asians just started younger white guys and Asians), it reinforces the stereotype of a RQ from being 'white attracted to Asian men' to 'how easy to get Asians to sleep with you if you're white'.
1. Asians in asia are absurd, why else would they sleep with
any whitey so easily? It's their culture that stresses
memorization and conforminity and rejects creativity.
Thai companions anyone? Classy.
2. There are two types of RQ's:
Some like asian on the outside.
Some like asian on the outside and inside.
Both should be avoided, unless he's good looking.
3. There will always be RQ's at the club, show them love by
allowing them to buy you a drink.
1. Asians in asia are absurd, why else would they sleep with
any whitey so easily? It's their culture that stresses
memorization and conforminity and rejects creativity.
Thai companions anyone? Classy.
2. There are two types of RQ's:
Some like asian on the outside.
Some like asian on the outside and inside.
Both should be avoided, unless he's good looking.
3. There will always be RQ's at the club, show them love by
allowing them to buy you a drink.
While most of us "Rice" has matured and developed personalities either through bad experiences or natural selection, our brother in Thailand or Vietnam are still "There" to be exploited by the so called Rice Queen who inevitably always has the look only a Potato Queen would love.
His explanation for his attraction to Asian screams Kay El! While he's Superman on earth, he's probably a whim in Krypton. Looking nothing like the billboard model with the white brief, Gawthrop was force to look elsewhere to find sex. Is it any wonder that his attraction to "Rice" stem from the incident that a Chinese boy was being "Overpowered" and "Used" ? Throw in Bruce Lee to justified "not taking candy from a child". Of course he is interested only in Asian Born Asian because they are less informed and more available to him then North-American one who can see right through him.
While none of us TongZi would not rush out to buy any self help books on dream relationships and ways to sustain one, would it be the Hope Diamond to have a book that tells of men evolutions in relationships, fidelity and our obsession with looks which is our demise and the cessation of it? Probably! At least a inspirational story base on it?
In the mean time, leave this book in 1981.
Now, my 2-cents... based on this article, Mr Gawthrop seemed to use his ****head (for lack of a better word) rather than the one on his shoulders while he was in Thailand/ Vietnam. His heart was only pumping during his sexplorations/ sexploitations. Case closed.
It can happen to anyone of any race anywhere. To each his own... Be responsible to yourself and the people u love. Respect others the way u yourself want to be respected.
Will i buy this book? Am i a multi-millionaire??? LOL...
Damn how I cannot stand foreigners who in their own countries would not even get a glance let alone a chance at hooking up with ANY decent asian guys let alone intelligent or good looking ones yet when in asia seek out the "Professional Boyfriends"
Pathetic!
As a white guy who is attracted (not exclusively) to "Asian" men from many backgrounds I am often confronted with the "Rice Queen" label which makes me uncomfortable. To be exclusively attracted to one group of men is also to find all other groups to some degree, unattractive. This I feel has certain racist elements no matter how subtle, which cannot be ignored. I am not speaking solely of Caucasians either. Asian men attracted solely to white males are also acting out the same patterns. As for the vast and unspecific label "Asian" Men being constantly tossed around I would ask exactly how did such a diverse group of people get lumped into one category. I am speaking of cultural and social values. I feel the same way about being labelled a "Westerner", another entirely out of date term. I am not American, nor British and as an Australian I have little in common with either culture.
My point is please, can we just drop the labels. They do no one any good and are divisive and stereotypical. Difference IS sexy. We are all after the same affection after all so does it help to stick a label on anybody? We ALL know how that feels no matter what our cultural background.
We all have issues that shaped our desire for someone or something! Whether it's from poverty to daddy-didn't-buy-me-that-pony situation, we all do it quietly to heal. These things while accepted within our culture is nothing to shout about either in glory or scandalistically.
Didn't we at one time or another ripped out some of the membrane of that sweet rebound guy's heart to mend our own broken heart?
Spanked someone that looked like Daddy?
Lowered our standard because we are no Brad Pitt ?
So while it's a "Diary" of your adventure in band-aiding your wounds, what's in it for us? For our culture? For our enlightenment?
white trash like this should not be allowed in our country.
as a GAM having grown up in Australia, the issue of my own sexual preference for GWMs has wreaked havoc on my mind since i first became aware of it, and endless self-analyses and justifications have since ensued. and i have come to the conclusion that no matter how clued-up we are about the issues, a lot of it is embedded in our (pop-)cultural mindset from our upbringing as a minority group in a western culture and largely beyond our control. we grow up largely without any admirable asian male role models in Australian popular media and at the same time are bombarded with sunkissed anglo-saxon ideals of masculinity so it is no wonder that we grow up with an inferiority complex and the desire for the white man in order to feel validated as a successful integrated member of mainstream Australian society instead of a part of a marginalised and ghettocised minority group.
so perhaps the more self-analytical among us end up being the most frustrated...i have potato queen friends who are unashamedly attracted to GWMs only and refuse point blank to justify it. and they seem a lot happier for it...
the issues of rice queens, potato queens, etc surrounding interracial sex and relationships are hotbed issues long overdue for vehement discussion. a lot of us GAMs out there having been brought up in a western culture must have a lot of burning comments and questions to pose as evidenced by the sheer volume of replies...
i propose a proper forum on fridae.com for people to give this issue its proper wringing! who's with me?
melbournian gam
While you are Gorgeous (yummy) and have no problems if indeed you like to mixed rice with potato and a dash of Sambal Belacan, Gawthrop is probably starving so spare his balls.
So be kind... okay maybe just kindER...
Would the author be crucified the way he is if he were Asian instead of white? My guess is he wouldn't. !!!DOUBLE STANDARD!!!
I wonder how many readers of Fridae.com understand how hard it is to be a rice queen while trying not to be a prick at the same time. If I go out to a club and have white guys all over me, that is deemed ok. But if Asian guys are all over me, suddenly I am a colonial prick. And since I really dont find white guys attractive (sorry but I just dont), that means when I go out I have 2 choices - 1) go hide in a corner or 2) be a prick. !!! DOUBLE STANDARD!!
If this author really only wrote a trophy book about how many guys he has bagged - then yes he is an ass and deserves to be castrated. But I haven't read the book and I don't know what he wrote, and I have had my fair share of run-ins with militant sticky rice who think that a white guy getting aroused by an Asian guy is a crime punishable by death, castration, or both. However, it is perfectly ok for them to like other Asian guys. Why ? Is it their birth right? So being Asian is like a passport to attract to other Asian guys but white is not? !!!!DOUBLE STANDARD!!!!
What we really need, and what this author apparently failed to take the opportunity to give us, is a book that talks about how hard it is to be a white male who is extraordinarily attracted to Asian guys without coming off as a prick.. Because for a rice queen there is a constant DOUBLE STANDARD that one has to battle on a daily basis..
It's as though we are all evil until proven not...
And maybe we do fuck up from time to time, who doesnt?
-NOTE- I am not defending this book nor the author.. I hope to god that he didn't write what the reviewer claims the author wrote else he is just furthering the negative stereotypes that exist - and that I am absolutely sick and tired of dealing with.
The challenge is obvious either someone else needs to write a better book that fits with the reviewers expectations or GO WRITE POTATO QUEEN DIARIES. And see if Arse PULP press will publish that too.
What I find depressing and sad, and include myself, is the tendency for us to focus on sex and not sexuality and personality and life in all its complexity and wonder, as people. We often confine ourselves to this little tiny piece of pleasure called "sex" . Fittingly for Thai culture, Bhuddism teaches us that this longing, this craving, like all cravings leads to unhappiness and the desire can never be satisfied. Its all an illusion.
So let's get on with life and get off this topic. The book reviewer makes some very good points I think and some people who posted below do also. People are attracted to eachother for many reasons and that is alright and need not always be jumped to the lightspeed of racism and all that. I think its okay to have feelings but we as human beings should act with humanity and respect for our fellow human beings. Peace.
Michael Asia
So I'm a 'rice queen'. I don't really mind what labels people chose to apply to me provided they don't then go on to assume things about 'my kind' when they don't know me.
I do admit to being a bit of a Rice Queen myself, and I wish I found most decent-looking nice guys (as I already do with ladies) as romantically & sexually attractive, but unfortunately I mostly only find Asian guys as attractive. :-(
This book looks like it has served a purpose tho it has exposed a lot of endless contradictary arguments that flip between deep and superficial ideas of desire and attraction. like the contradiction of how people here have been asserting the importance of equality and respect of race like it doesn't matter what race you are and yet heavily affirming their racial background. i dunno as a white guy (and yeh i say white guy cuz i dont have any other rich historical or cultural affiliations but that generalised concept 'the culture of the west') i cant get all defensive of race but i dont feel any thing like a resonance with the next white guy or the next gay guy, in that kind of collective way, i just feel a general respect for those around me who give me theirs, compassion for theirs. it feels like a lot of people out there have a harder job defining their identities than i. i'm just me, whoever that is, ppl who dont treat me like that, well its just not gunna work out... altho i think i should get a tshirt for china saying 我不是美国人 just to get that out the way haha j/k
also there seems to be a complacency in this discussion thinking the cross cuturalism and racism in sexual and romantic relationships is exclusively a gay thing. i'm fully aware that this is a gay and lesbian website but i know a lot of asian girls into white men, white men into asian girls, white girls into asian men, asian men into white girls and i see a lot the same problems and some different problems in the encounters they've experienced. just saying that discussing this with heterosexuals gives this subject a greater scope and depth.
just thought i'd add mine to long list of interesting and entertaining comments, hope theres more of this on fridae :) thanks ppl
p.s. this book doesnt have a positive purpose... i think some one said that, since when do books need to, a lot things really arent positive, books justr present things positive negative honest or illusory to bring out ideas in us ok this was originally going to be short and less messy 罗嗦了 hehe
More often than not I do wish I was not a "Rice Queen" but I won't bother going into the reasons why.
ok i am srue I have made plenty of guys mad here, but it is reality...
just becuase you date somone of another race does NOT mean you are raceist, you come to Thailand or date asians becuse you think you can control them that is very raceist and I find most rice queens to thin like that....in Bangkok I hear them say "it is great here I have a 21 year bf and in my home country I coudl never do that" and ofcourse they are 40s or 50s and up.....
that is NOT reaspct it is degradeing!!!!!!
NOT all but MOST of the tiem the asian will be 20s and the gwm will be 40s and up!!
in San Francisco I would meet many asian and they say thay are NOT the sterotype, they have a good job, etc....but in fact they are.....they are young 35 or so, just started working or working for a few years maybe they make a very bood income for somoen of thier age, maybe 60K or more, but thier white boyfried who is 45 may make 150 K, so is this not the same of if the 23 year old is working in a fast food restraunt and makeing 20k and his bf makeing 60K...umm to me they are both the same
Does the majority GWM who date Asian men (exclusively or almost) typically do so when they are over 40 or when thet are much younger?
When we see these older GWM in Thailand with younger Asian men, is that just out of convenience and availability?
In closing, take it with a grain of salt. Some people like labels and some don't. In either case, don't assume that a person is a certain way until you get to know them. Then you can assume that. Remember, when you ASS U ME, you make an ASS of U and ME.
Cheers.
The Rice Queen Diaries is an HONEST narrative about a white narrator clumsuly making his way, romantically and sexually, through a completely different culture than his own; while trying to compassionately understand what he and his dates were going through; by drawing on whatever cultural and academic references he had on hand, from his own perspective.
Same thing that I did when living in Japan for two years. Like Dan, I didn't always get it right, I often ****ed up, and I am constantly revising and learning (including my Nihongo skills). But the most important thing is that we raisu-sen (Japanese slang for rice queen) are TRYING.
I'm also worried. On www.stephenemery.net
you will find some of my songs about how difficult gay life was in Japan for me(CulDeSac Rut).
They come out of the suburbs and pump up with the pills
Standing together forever they will
Do the Cul-De-Sac Rut, and I'm feeling lost
So in Andy's view, is my sometimes critical and cynical perspective -with the French Canadian title- inherently and inaccurately skewed because I only lived there, speak the language, loved many Japanese men, and I am a white Irish Catholic Canadian? I worry that since it is JUST my own perspective and you consider me from some sort of "dominant" culture - haha, Canada as if we are Americans! - Andy would wish I didn't have MY OWN VOICE on the matter in English if not enough Japanese gaisen (Japanese for potato queen) men do. Well they always can and I am hoping my art enables some of the gasien to do so as well as other gaikokujin who have lived in or visited Japan.
When Andy Quan writes metaphorically enriched short stories about having sex with "many, many"" white guys across MY country, Canada, and Australia -some of them merely passing objects in teh night- I don't accuse him of objectification. I don't imply that because he is not white that he doesn't have a cultural voice; or further that he is trying to somehow appropriate my own native Irish French Catholic Canadian gay voice.
I am perplexed that Andy would do this piece of hatchet work on Daniel's art. If there is a worry that there are not enough Asian voices writing about gay Asia for English readers in the so-called "dominant" culture (Canada dominant, haha, I'm still mentally giggling here), then grab a freakin' pen and write it!
Now, how about a REVIEW of the Rice Queen Diaries posted here instead of a polemic tome about who should be writing what and how they should be doing it and from what perspective...
Meanwhile, I have read and reviewed Daniel Gawthrop's book (elsewhere) and put my interview with him on my podcast Beyond the Ghetto / Within the Village which can be found in the free podcast area of iTunes with my other shows. It was originally broadcast on radiogay.ca.
you can go to http://beyondtheghetto.livejournal.com
to find the show and subscription links. On the Rice Queen show, you can hear Dan read from his book and listen to our discussion about interracial relationships with Asian guys. From OUR admittedly white gay male perspectives (because his and mine are very different in some ways as well - we Caucasions don't all think in the same dominant style :).
Then you can contact me if you want me to interview you about your experiences and perspectives from whatever culture you are in, on my podcast. I have offered this voice before, and have yet to be taken up on it for a few years now, BUT I would LOVE to hear more Asian voices, like my friend Masa's on my first show about Japan....
So, come on....
Dan came to my singer songwriter performance tonight where I sang my Koenji set about my challenges being a raisu-jin in Japan a few years; and as a result left a Japanese lad who wanted a Western bf jilted yet again because I had to get out. [the song is called CulDeSac rut and you can find it at the link I gave out below in this string]
Anyway, we talked and I said something to Dan that I wanted to share here. I think that some of this resentment in this string and some of the reaction against terms like Rice Queen - or even the fact that a white author would dare write about his sexploits; if even in one chapter of a work- are a one part of a recently emerging expression of Asian Pride. Asian Pride is great, don't get me wrong, but I think for some, who are more strident, this pride is still in the reactionary, politically correct stage - maybe even getting into reverse racism, at least the hating of the idea of interracial dating - and there is a tendency to lash out. I did the same thing as a young man when I was in Queer Nation: some of my impressions of heterosexuals were downright heterosexist and highly judegmental. But these opinions boosted my own self esteem conveniently. [Until Jeffery Dhalmer came along (gay racist serial killer that he was) I thought gay people were, rather than having all the diversity of humanity; better than the heterosexual masses. How naive.] I will leave it to Daniel himself to say whether he agrees with me or not; though you can hear his opinions about it on one of my podcasts (links below).
I also want to say that because of the Rice Queen Diaries, I have decided that I do now WANT to go to Thailand - BUT the northern country part of it that Dan writes about in his ex-pat chapters - and to avoid the sex tourism areas. I thank Dan for honestly doing that and writing about what turned out to be the shallowness of the money boy economy; and concluding that it is too emotionally rough to go through and ulitmately achieves little. Now, I don't have to even go close to making the same mistakes.
Yes, I can understand the bitterness and the guardedness around the power imbalances that too often occur. I have met the a-holes who objectify Asian men. And I have been thoroughly embarrassed by them. And in some lower moments of my life wondering if I was acting no better than them. Sex and ego are powerful things to deal with; and not many people are immune to affectionate attention; some of us are slow to realize that it just might be coming from decades of cultural oppression ingrained and absorbed as a means of survival.
Anyway, I was already dealing with these issues in Japan; though on a finacially opposite scale (I was relatively poor comapred to the lads I dated). I had, for a time when I was depressed, entered a fast lane of easy sex and letting the reverse exotification hold up my fragile ego. Deep down I realized that if I didn't get out of this distorted paradigm that I too might end up like some of these nasty queens who have had such artifically inflated egos as Japan expats that they could never come home to be the losers they now pobably would be in their own societies. [I was actually thinking that I "need to have a good dose of Vancouver CBC - Canadian Born Chinese (self-named; not MY term) ATTITUDE- thrown back at me to spurn and humble me again. Put things back in perspective and end this "rock star trip" where the more sumo-fat and unhealthier I got, I could still get laid too easily.
I was also getting sick - to my stomach- of the sex tourist raisu guys - the ones who cause the term to become pejorative- who decided to throw away the condoms and bareback in Japan when they would have hade to have used them back in UK or North America. [too many Japanese gays are lax or passive when it comes to safer sex; sex tourists who further enable that are a-holes because they should know better] When these very men would suggest to me that "you should go to Thailand; you'd be SO popular" I was basically saying in my mind "not on the recommendation of a bastard like you I won't; I'm not going near the place". btw. don't confuse this pejorative type of Rice Queen with the kind that Daniel and I are - if you can't make the distinction by what we write then you are perhaps one of the over-critical ones who are whitewashing an entire group to bolster your own too-righteous sense of pride.
But now that I have read Rice Queen Diaries I can see that there is far more to Thailand than the "economy" and there are proper and rewarding ways to do it which value Thai men and their culture - and perhaps, meeting the right guy, could be very romantic, equal, and sensual. I thank Daniel Gawthrop for showing me that even though he had similar struggles as I, ended up going down the same unrewarding paths that I did, though in a different country; there is still a wholistic and healthy way to visit the lands of the lads we strive to love rather than lust after.
I am currently beginning an LTR with a Thai man and we had to go through a lot to get to this point especially to get beyond most Thai men's fears that all westerners and now other Asian tourists too are just in for short timers and sex on demand so to speak. Where is the lesson?
Treat all humans with respect, dignity and love.
Michaelasia
What's wrong with a rice queen having as much sex as he can when travelling in Asia?
If it is American borned rice visiting Asia having sex with lots of Asian rice, is it ok?
What's wrong having lots of sex but without love?
What's wrong paying money for sex?
If you buy a person a dinner but have sex with him one week later, acutally you are paying money in advance for your future sex.
What's wrong when an old rice queen team up with a young potota queen? If you don't like this team up, do they need to be within 5 years of age difference to be within your comfort zone?
What's wrong rice queen is richer than the potato queen and can afford to travel to riceland to have fun?
Do we need to have love, REAL love, in each of our sexual encounter?
Do we need to be deep and thoughtful in each of our sexual encounter? Yes, we need to go DEEP, otherwise, use some tools to help.
What if the young potato queen is a top and the old rice queen is a bottom? Will it be more acceptable to you.
Does potato queen need to know the reason why he is into rice before he can have sex with rice?
How about the potato queen, do they know what they are doing as well?
I think your comment, like what you said about Gawthorp's novel, is a stereotype of typical sticky rice who has problem with potato rice relationship. You may have some bad experience in potatoland, if you are not happy, welcome back to riceland and enjoy your sticky rice relationship.
However, legally speaking, gay sex, not matter it is sticky rice or not is still illegal in Singariceland. A thoughtful person like you should go back to Americatatoland or Canadatatoland for legal gay sex.
From a potato queen.
I have different types of friends: mashed potato, sticky rice, rice queen, potato queen, curry queen, bean queen...
I like your article and it help me to see what really needs to be said about the Rice Queen issue. The book should be renamed, "Memoirs of a Sex Addict that prefer certain types of Asian men." This was a story of sexual exploitation of men. Not that is a bad thing, but it sounds like an empty life.
To answer a few questions: 1) I am what some would call a Rice Queen, but being Black, it not the same thing. Well, sexually the same, but the Gay Whites have a whole big thing going on. 2) It can be an interesting phenomenon to watch an Asian male totally transfixed by the site of a White male. It makes me little jealous, but I am glad that it does not happen to me. I would just, if I let it, become a sex pig. 3) If I had a lover, I would be faithful to him and him alone. I would blind myself if I had to, if that what it takes to be faithful. 4) I just know that I have a strong attraction for Asian men, and I do not know where it came from. I mean I grew up with Bruce Lee, and never thought of him sexually. I knew a Chinese boy when I was around seven, and he was my first encounter with Chinese people. No great story there... We were just friends. I just know when I finally came out and was comfortable with my gay sex life, suddenly I found Chinese or Asian men extremely attractive. It was like "Crack." The chemicals in the brain went on over load and since then I have an attraction for them. Now I have more control, but I know if I were to have a lover, he would be Asian, Pacific Islander or South Asian.
I'm not Asian, but I am also not white - Black-American. I've dated a number of Asian and Asian-American men, and I live in a part of the United States that doesn't have (compared to SF, NYC, DC or Toronto CAN) a very large Asian population. I've also read the Gawthrop book; I was interested in some possible analysis of desire and relationships, and there wasn't much of that in Gawthrop's book, which I found remarkably shallow.
I've had an interesting conversation with several of the Asian man I've dated - without intending to specifically slam white men who go after us 'ethnic' types (we've all dated or had great relationships with white guys), the ways in which we've been treated as objects seems to eventually crop up, and this does a few things: it's degrading, it diminishes or ignores one's own uniqueness; instead of seeing and appreciating someone for who they are (which requires actually getting to know someone), it superimposes a prefab set of stereotypes and assumptions.
And I guess this is ok - people f*ck up, people aren't experiencing deep thoughts 24 hours a day, and we all like who we like, and the reasons are elusive. But it continues to be frustrating - at least to someone in North America - to see racial stratifications persist - things that one would have assumed we'd have grown beyond long ago. Images of gay (and lesbian) black, Asian or Latino people here always seem mostly mediated through the eyes of a white person, a white person's desire, whether it's any number of websites, or any number of glossy publications. And this book does nothing to add to any kind of progress, aside from erroneously painting Thailand as some kind of sexual shangri-la for any Westerner with the means to hop a plane. We may know what any number of Thai men say about this, but what do they really feel?
Maybe the rest of us should write more of our own books...
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